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07:00pm 14/01/2005
mood: dumb
holy crap, the stress!!
this uni stuff kinna makes me want to accept the fact that i have a monkeys brain and that i should give up and climb something instead. At least then i'd have an excuse to fling shit at my teachers!
exams will be over by wednesday
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kill all hairdressers   
08:20pm 09/11/2004
mood: guilty
mother of god, am i really about to update my journal?
looks like.
I have an essay on Venetian Tombs to avoid, so here i am.... hiding from my responsibilities in a virtual world of crap, fooling myself that sociability, no matter how lame my method, is as important as dead doges.
Ha ha ha there we are, fooled myself now lets get to that unimportant un-productiveness.

I cant find house number 16 on my street. Some guy asked me this morning, "across the road you fool, now out of my way!!", but right enough .....tis .....missing. Not going to go on about it too much or someone may solve the mystery and i will be sad :(

I was away last week at this manor house in the country with the uni-ers, it sucked. Spent the whole trip trying to get around the house and grounds without being spotted by any of the others. I dont do the enforced sociability thing, especially when i have just been dragged out of my cozy bubble. But the interesting thing about this place was the art on the walls, all paintings of sheep in the snow. What a subject to paint :) inspired!

Has anyone else lost 3 minutes since the clocks went back? it has been vexing me, i demand to be reimbursed for my missing 3 minutes. They could have been the best 3 minutes of my life, we will never know now! Who do you contact in this kind of situation?

Woohoo, my hair show thing is over!! My friends (scary)emma, donna and i had to dress up like rocky horror show characters, and endure 2 minutes of dance routine torture for some stupid stupid stupid hairdressing competition. Aargh! never allow yourself to be aproached by grinning strangers in the street, punch them or run or both! Do not allow their compliments and cheery smiles blind you to the fact that they are evil to the core!!

hmmm, bored with this, need to find alternative distractions...........
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tis the season of violent duck rape!!   
09:24pm 08/04/2004
  The Hazelhead pets corner have giant ducks that think they are geese (its a crazy cross, must be seen to be believed) and goth bunnies with vampy eyeliner. Its oh so eastery and i dont tink im ready for public festivities yet but these little aspects of weird salt it down to a bearable level. The little toddlers that should be adorned with bonnets and rolling eggs are seen differently when they are booting chickens across a field. (this little child had no idea what it had done wrong since was being laughed at for chasing the chicken, and the mother was obviously more concerned with what the other parents thought than explaining to the little fuck that YOU DONT KICK CHICKENS!!)
I HATE PEOPLE!!!! but i like chickens, i payed four times the normal price for eggs today so they could have a tree...do chickens climb trees?...a tree for them to shelter under perhapse...but none the less i wouldn't even deprive them of a tree.

happy easter!!!
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Malibu Mansions mystifying mouldification   
07:35pm 22/02/2004
mood: creative
everything i touch turns to mould...like Midas but a whole lot worse.
At least the rules of moisture distribution in fresh edibles remains just as confusing as ever - hard things go soft /soft things go hard (carrots go soft / ham slices go hard)......
maybe there is a point of ecostasis where it just stays the solidity it was meant to be.

I went to an arts and crafts sale today and drank lots of vodka - it was a first for me.
this guy showed me an Australian seed cone thingy....it was the most horrifying thing i have ever seen!! It looked like a furry draidel with slits for spindly spider legs to poke out of....but minus the spiders.....*shiver*
(we didnt actually go for the arts and crafts - there was a computer fair nextdoor...fun but no rides ): )
But to clean it out of our systems we went to the beach and played chicken with the waves.....we were taunting the frothy horses of sewage and it started to snow on us.....i got a hail stone in my eye :(
moral of the day: dont taunt nature, its bigger than us!
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massacre hunting in moonlight   
03:55pm 16/02/2004
mood: needing a hootnanny
there has been a ravine of emptiness from my livejournaling ...i think i swapped it for a boyfriend. But it makes it hard to keep in touch with people and with the events in my own life......they just squirtle on past without telling me.

i had sooo much assassinating fun!!
The constant nerviness, you forget no real pain is involved. I even adopted a new walk to go with my 15yr old schemie look........ the plan backfired when i was refused entry to the pub :( But getting to kill James after a romantic valentines meal with paralyzing drugs and poison lipstick - YAY!!

The neighbors play fiddles.....they just jig arround with their instruments all day (snap that dirty mind back onto musical instruments and dancing) with the window open...I want to bitch and complain so much but there is something so appreciatable about live music .......can someone (perfect candidate - grant) come round and bitch about them for me .....then i can get all angry and protective. i dont know if it would resolve anything.
maybe i could encourage these fiddlers (hehe) to throw a street party hootnanny thing....bales of hay ....gingham dresses..... proper cider for all over 10.
sounds good
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lets staple antlers to mice   
12:42am 16/12/2003
mood: indescribable
jeese i manage to ctrl all the uni stress and xmas panic goes and bites me on the ass (why do my life metaphors always involve my bum? maybe i have a subconscious obsession with my own rear....oh dear, something else to worry about)

must force myself to swim salmon-like (they are the ones that always swim miles in the wrong direction yeah?) through the torrents of annoying people with their breath and body odors .....WHY DID I STOP SMOKING?!!!! since i stopped i have been noticing all kind of nasty smells, aberdeen dont smell too wholesome, my cat smells faulty, and dont even get me started on Adam (after 3 days i have finally managed to get rid of his smell from my room)

woah im bitching a lot for someone so happy, oops. But i do have psychosomatic cooties again - they are the hardest thing to get rid of - but apart from that life is GRAND!!:)
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08:29pm 27/11/2003
mood: angry
I think it would be a great irony to have my cat stuffed, streached and turned into a draft excluder since the little fucker never closes the door behind himself, no matter how many times i throw him at it!!!
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Quails in SPACE!!   
11:09pm 20/11/2003
mood: exhausted
tuesday - jim brought round quail eggs and we did egg blowing, so much fun, the yoke shoots out like uncovered sneeses...
snot splattering range - 5"!
we made an omelete......it was very uhh, eggy, then watched a Jan Svankmajer video with (hardcore) mulled wine.

I have to write this cos Jim claims hes not a ditz and he soooo is, i have a kettle that sits on the hob and whistled when its ready ...it was whistling away and jim was waltzing round in a cloud of daydream and said "i can hear a bird". Does anyone else agree that hes a ditz or am i alone here?

Almost as funny as that was when Dan wandered through to my room to ask me to open his nail varnish bottle for him ....all macho points dissolved into oblivion.

lastnight was fun too......stayed up till 7 drinking with Phil, Liell & Peaches, slept for 150 mins, went to my philosophy class then joined the stop Bush march ....
there was actually very little marching for it being a march n all ....i think the marching element was probably still in bed...... where we should have been.
I took Mr Less-Industrious-Than-a-Baby, Phil with me. He only came cos i told him uni was closer than his flat hahahahaha twat!

Yeah, i saw my hero down a jar of pickled onion vinegar lastnight..... it was ace! Then the pucking of blood and stomach lining ensued.

Yeah its all been fun ......appart from having to run away from a school kid on the uni High Street. She wasted her banana frije by throwing it at James and I .....then she took on a ready to charge bull stance so i ran away ....she was bigger than me ......kinna cuboid shaped ......that and im a big wuss! I should have ripped off my pants and thrown them at her (successfull diversional tactic i hear) ......then run away

i wrote lots ....... going to do something productive now
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The picture of marital bliss   
04:38pm 13/11/2003
mood: grateful
yeah i got home from a hard day at the office (uuuh, a lecture about penis trees) to find my husband (Dan) making banana walnut muffins to Countdown, aww it was all so sweet. Freshly brewed coffee, baking muffins, the occasional yelp of conundrums, a big fat cat rolling around the floor (he might prefer to walk but we put loo roll tubes on his legs so he cant bend them hahahaha) ..... oops ive accidentally nested. I think Dan needs a suitably cheesy apron

I had the best lecture today, it was all about this tree adorned with erect phalluses. It is painted on a fountain in a place called Massa Marittima (Tuscany). there are lots of women painted under the tree and two of them are pulling each others hair and fighting over an enormous schlong .....hahahaha
i just sat at the back sniggering

lastnight was kinna cool, party at the Boo House. Quote of the night, during a conversation about wanking at the opera "There should be an opera of Bon Jovi because then you could sing along too"....... none who knows him should have to ask who said it, anybody that doesn't know him just wouldn't understand.
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a day at the beach   
07:32pm 12/11/2003
  Went to the beach today with Dan(gle). It was wonderfully empty of screeching, snot nosed, sugar fueled kids ......nothing makes a trip to the fun beach more enjoyable than the lack of children having fun. Plus it means that we dont have to queue for the dance dance revolution machine .....then there was no queuing for the House of the Dead III game (with shotguns) ...wehey much room for cat swinging! even children swinging ...nope ...there were none hahahahah!
Then we played chicken with the thrashing waves.... uh, yeah ...the powers of nature won. Dan and I walked home squelchy and wet :)
Today was like a proper day with stuff happening in it, fun stuff. I liked today
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adventures to the lucky boat   
06:47pm 10/11/2003
mood: cheerful
Jim and i went to the Lucky Boat lastnight for dinner...it has just reopened under new management but they still havnt fixed the main problem with it, it ISN'T A BLOODY BOAT!.....i know it isnt a boat because it is right next to some boats and....no....its definately not a boat! But i do like that place :) it always makes me happy.... probably the excess of MSG in all their meals. They do something funny to the chicken there... makes it look like octopus tentacles, which is ace! mmmmmmm octopus.... inky...yum!
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shoot me im an elk!   
04:49pm 08/11/2003
mood: lethargic
ugh! lack of tension has flowed directly into imotivation and intense boredom. I have just started floundering around like a lazy fish doing little bits of uni work that i will forget in a few days. Huh...but im going to out tonight and force myself to have a good time socialising ...to try and make up for my present academic sinkage.

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sexy anthropomorphic tap dancing sheep   
01:05pm 05/11/2003
mood: horny
today is strange ..... i am wary
1st day in ages when i havnt had to wade through a gloop of stress to get anywhere .... essay done .....assassins over ....normality has an eerie echo to it.

but to make it all strange and complex again i have found someone new to obsess over :) hmmm....they just happen to be an irish tap dancing sheep thing ...
Woah i just realised even though he doesnt actually exist hes still top of my probability list hahahaha
But he has the cutest ears...they are all sheepy...To make it clear i dont like sheep in that way but....

its all in the dancing
i dont even care that hes ginger (or that hes actually a she - now it gets confusing)

(this bit was added later in response to sheenas smarmy art (artiste) student comment - he is called the Loughton Candidate and he is a satyr/camp goat, he features in the 4th film in the cremaster series and is played by Matthew Barney the artist and conceptualist behind the project)
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01:28pm 22/10/2003
mood: frustrated
wow the hailstones are ace at the moment :) i dont like rain too much but if it sets off 5+ car alarms in 2 sec's its really hard not to appreciate the carnage!!

Also feeling ripped off ...had to buy a big book for uni about 600 pages but it feels too light!! Am i being cheated of knowledge? I keep trying to find the blank pages (that it MUST have)and catch it off guard by pretending to read another book then quickly opening it at a random page...it is too quick for me. it seems all the pages are as far as i can tell covered in knowledgeable writings.......but when i knock on it it sounds hollow!!! Argh...this book has outsmarted me before i even opened it. Dayam It was kinna equaled out when i borrowed a library book which feels heavier than any book should ever be!
It reminded me of that silly thing we had to do every morning in Alldays when we weighed things just to make sure gravity still works. Speaking of pointless shop jobs we had to take the temperature of all the fridges 3 times a day......we HAD to do it but if the temperatures were higher than they should have been we just made them up...this was the managers rules......when i asked why dont we just make them up without faffing around he would just look at me like i was stupid....."we cant do that! what if they are wrong?" AARGH..... stress stress!
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barcode me ......DAYAAM!   
10:55pm 19/10/2003
mood: twitchy
LJ Barcode
LJ username:

i have my own barcode now!! that makes me cool right? sorry i just found this and it and i have started missing Dark Angel....... :( booo...... ass kicking mutants rock(ed) my world. If i were a mutated government experimental killing machine id track down and vandalize the people who hurt D&D on friday!!! Grrrr at them!! Then id go vandalize Sarpong, for Tron (and the world)..Hoorah hoorah!! any requests? Im taking names and kicking ass ....(well im taking names) (still waiting for my laser eye balls so i can *kick ass for the lord*[grant?])

I decided not to go back to work..... i only had a few more shifts to do but i needed to keep up my long term repute of disapointing my employers ... i think its a subconscious hatred of good references, since they help you get jobs and i dont want one. I might ask at cornhill, see if they will have me back (working with the crazies was fun) ... ill tell them ive changed...well i have - my hair was blue then and now its pink!!
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03:54pm 13/10/2003
mood: blah
I didn't MAKE jim sleep on the kitchen floor!! He insisted (Tom *sigh* was visiting).... and kept on insisting for about half an hour till i gave up and took the bed through to the kitchen. (just had to clear that up - i sounded mean) but yeah i cant beleive those fire bugs (sounds too cute for what they are) are on the loose!!

Bob and i (although bob was in no state to be a witness) saw people trying to blow up (overreacting a bit) a car park....with fireworks.....then they drove away!! They had getaway vehicles....2 of them!!! Shocking!

The eye toy is sooooooo much fun, you get to jump around like a fool but completely unaware of how stupid you look because its overwritten by the fun aspect.

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06:59pm 08/10/2003
  ignore last stoopid fooking entry....i will succeed one day!!  
bunny cloud   
06:44pm 08/10/2003
mood: hopeful
i think everyone that saw this cloud in real life must have immediately turned really gay...... if all clouds looked like this the world would be a wonderfull place, the human race would become extinct but hey.... small price to pay!!

i hope it can be seen or im gona seem like a right twat

(third attempt at this)
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killing joke   
12:10pm 06/10/2003
  i am a bouncing guru now...it was a ridiculous amount of fun on friday at the trampolining class but oh so scarey. there was this huuuuuge fat dude waddling about but then he got on a trampoling and turned into an gracefull butterfly jumping bean thingy....like a trampolining budah or something, strange to see! i will definately go back (to see the ace fat man if nothing else)

i just had the bestest weekend EVER! jim and i went down to glasgow to see killing joke...we met up with jon and tron in niceansleazy (the moorings twin pub) and proceeded to prepare for the "night of drunk".
at the gig jim and i couldnt have asked for better places...front centre yay!! It wasnt so much moshing but having many guys dry-ride my ass to the time of the music (which is also good)!! the band was impressive and we found our hippy at the bar afterwards (drinking pints of pinapple breezer), he passed out in the hotel room and we went to the cat house..... the rest.. a fuzzy dribble, im sure i had fun though :)
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01:25pm 03/10/2003
mood: devious
there was a preacher in uni today...like a proper "lakes of fire and brimstone" dude!! he was preaching to a bank machine queue (fucked up spelling, they just chucked in 4 extra letters for the hell of it!!) straight from the old book!!
he knew that every fresher there, withdraing their first loan installment, was about to spend it on a weekend of debauchery and sin. Too right!!
he must have been sitting at home reading the paper in his armchair when he felt the twitch of ungodly intention, "must... stop...this... sin!!" then he got dressed in some tweed ....messed up his hair and followed his sin-dar (bleep... bleep... bleep) all the way to the high street to be all self righteous at some unperturbed (well i was perturbed...but im nervy most of the time) students!!
it has just encouraged me to do ungodly things all the time. its not as hard as youd think..even if your being good just thinking bad things should be enough...if god is omnipresent then hes in my brain too and knows the bad thoughts. it doesnt take much either, god seems like a bit of a touchy character and the fact that i worship the false god Link (Zelda) should be enough to have me banned from his fields of fluffyness.

hmm, have to figure out how to bounce godlessly in the trampolining class
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